


Conversation Hearts

by Emptylester (timelordangel)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2017, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelordangel/pseuds/Emptylester
Summary: Terrified that he prevented Dan from having the experience of other sexual partners in his adult life, Phil suggests that this Valentine's day in lieu of presents they each get a freebie. There is no way this can go wrong, right?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is very loosely based off the song "Escape" or the pina colada song. Enjoy!

“God, I stole your youth,” Phil groans dramatically as he shuffles through older collabs on the iMac. 

This earns him a calculated glance from his boyfriend, who is sideways in the office chair beside his. 

“My youth,” Dan begins as he returns his attention to the monitor, “was taken by multiple franchises- not you.”

“Still, you never got to be a carefree single guy, out on the town-“

“Does that sound like me at all?” Dan interrupts. 

“It could have been! We don’t know!” Phil throws his arms up and then covers his face with his hands. 

“If this is your way of breaking up with me, you’re doing a terrible job,” Dan rolls his eyes.

“I’m not,” Phil frowns, turning to face Dan, “I just worry that one day you’re going to regret not experiencing more than me in your adult life.” 

“I’m starting to regret the Phil experience right now. How long have we been editing this video again?” The pastel edits video is glaring at them from the screen. 

“I just don’t want to upload it on Valentine’s Day. It won’t do as well.”

“You’re right. What are we even doing for tomorrow?” Dan shrugs, “I’m kind of the worst, I haven’t even gotten you anything. I feel like the four birthday presents, for the birthday we’re still celebrating mind you, should suffice.” 

“I haven’t exactly gotten you anything either,” Phil presses his lips into a line, “we could go out to dinner?” 

“Unless you’ve made reservations already- doubt it. Also being in public on Valentine’s Day at a table alone might be, I dunno, the worst idea ever.” 

“Dan-“ Phil says suddenly in a voice that Dan doesn’t expect.

“Yeah?” 

“What if- what if as your present I gave you a freebie?” Phil twists his hands together- his eyes flickering nervously around the room. 

“A freebie?” Dan sits up straighter, putting his feet on the ground, “Like a free fuck?”

Phil looks as if he is reconsidering for a moment and then nods once and says, “Yes. A free fuck. And, you know, a date with the person.” 

Dan stares intensely before shaking his head. “We have been together for eight years and I will never understand your mind. Is this because you think you stole my youth?”

“Sort of- let me explain,” Phil gives a breathy sigh, “You’ve never slept with anyone besides me since you turned eighteen- I hope-“

“I haven’t,”

“Right. So what if you actually want to experience someone else? I’m not saying date them, or love them- please don’t stop loving me-“

“I won’t,”

“I’m just saying-“ Phil huffs, “I can’t really explain it. I just don’t want you to miss out on a part of life.” 

“You do realize you fulfill me, right?” Dan gives a small smile, “But considering I definitely plan on marrying you and this might be my last chance to fuck someone else with my boyfriend’s permission- sure. Under one condition.”

“Only one?” Phil raises an eyebrow. 

“You do it too. We’ll both have a freebie- and then you won’t feel bad about stealing my youth-“

“Stop saying that, I should have worded it better-“

“Shush, you’ll feel better about that and I won’t feel like I’m cheating on you because you’ll do it too,” Dan finishes, content. 

Phil considers, and then agrees. “Alright. Now, the question is who.” 

“Considering we haven’t told any of our friends that we’re together, let’s just get them to set us up with people.”

“Good plan. I’ll ask Peej and Sophie and you can ask Louise and Liam, is that okay?” Phil suggests.

“Yeah, that will work. Let’s try to do it on Friday- that way we can potentially be partnered with people with normal nine to five jobs. And we won’t have to beat the Valentine’s rush,” Dan calculates, pulling out his phone to check the calendar. 

“Okay, sure,” Phil smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Just curious,” Dan bites his lip, “girl or boy?”

“I don’t mind. I imagine it will probably be a girl,” Phil shrugs. “Do you have a preference?” 

“I think,” Dan laughs, “I prefer dick. But in the name of trying things I won’t get to experience again for the rest of my life, I might try for vagina.” 

“That’s fair. Did you already text Louise?” 

“Yep, just now. I said, ‘Hey, fucking love day is making me lonely. Do you have any friends I could go out with on Friday?” 

“Fucking love day?” Phil snorts, the swear sounding harsh in Phil’s voice, “I guess I’ll go ahead and ask Peej.” 

“You do that, and I’m going to try and edit the last twenty minutes of this footage, which is actually just five minutes of content and fifteen minutes of you trying to open the wig packaging.”

“It was difficult!” Phil whines, staring at his phone.

“Why am I even helping you edit your video,” Dan jokes, rolling his eyes.

“Because I buy you stuff. And you love me,” Phil grins, still typing away at his phone.

“You’re right. You do buy me stuff,” Dan affirms.

“And?”

“And I love you, Phil. Of course.”

-  
Louise is ecstatic. 

She calls Dan on Valentine’s day (It’s half six and I’m not cooking for once! Liam is making Darcy and I dinner! I’m in the bath! The bath, Dan! At six thirty!) and enthusiastically says she’s got the best idea of who to set Dan up with on Friday. She insists she can’t say their name because she knows Dan will stalk them on every social media before the date and that might ruin everything.

Phil returns from the shops a little later with takeaway and a few candles he bought on clearance. Dan lights them all and covers the coffee table in light before settling down on the couch with Phil and Adventure Time. 

In a lull of action, Dan swallows his mouthful of tofu and says, “So. Louise set me up on Friday. Seven pm, she said she’ll set up a car for me. The whole thing is a surprise- why did you make me ask Louise?”

Phil frowns around his mouthful before swallowing. “Sophie took over and she’s setting me up with one of her friends from work.”

“Oh good, then, we both have someone,” Dan can’t help the way his stomach churns and he’s suddenly finished with his food. He pictures Phil touching someone else and he wants to be sick. 

“Right,” Phil continues eating and Dan doesn’t know how he doesn’t care. 

“Right,” Dan echoes. 

Wednesday, they don’t mention it. They talk to Phil’s parents on Skype for an hour and when the question of what they did for Valentine’s comes up Phil quickly says they just had takeaway on the couch. 

Phil’s dad says, “Don’t let time keep you from giving each other gifts, trust me. Your mum was not happy about that back when you and your brother were just babies-” 

Dan and Phil laugh nervously and don’t mention the “gifts” they are exchanging.

Thursday night, they sleep in their own beds.

Friday morning Dan wakes up to the distinct smell of slightly burnt toast and prays Phil is making eggs benedict. He lets his socked feet hit the ground as he cards through his hair. Without Phil, he barely slept.

“Breakfast?” Dan grins sleepily as he watches his boyfriend scrolling through his phone. 

Phil looks up, startled, and grins. “Hey you.”

“Hi,” Dan pads into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder.

Phil kisses his neck and smiles against his skin. They stand like that for a few minutes, just inhaling each other and swaying in the comfortable silence of morning. The sunlight streaming through the window lands on their socked feet in horizontal stripes.

“What are your plans for today?” Dan asks after Phil nudges him off to tend to the eggs on the stove.

“Well,” Phil hesitates, “I want to film another gaming video. And then dinner, of course.”

“Fuck,” Dan says suddenly, the violent reminder of their dates tonight causing him to lose his filter, “I forgot. But right. When is yours again?”

“It’s at Stock and Barrel, down twenty first ave. Around seven thirty,” Phil recalls, his attention on the eggs. 

“Do you know who?” 

“Sort of. Sophie said he’s a couple years younger than me, and he is into production and media. He lives in London, apparently,” Phil nods, his expression carefully neutral. 

“It’s a guy, then, yeah. Cool,” Dan ignores the way his chest goes tight, “I think Louise is setting me up with a boy as well, but she won’t tell me jack shit besides the fact he likes nature walks and veggie burgers. For all I know I’m going on a date with Charlie McDonnell.” 

“Like you’d be upset by that,” Phil smirks.

“He’s a little too nerdy for me,” Dan moves back into Phil’s personal space and links their fingers, “you know I’m not into nerds.”

“Right, of course,” Phil nods seriously but his blue eyes tell a different story, “definitely not nerds.”

“And I definitely don’t like tall men with dark hair,” Dan has pressed himself almost flush against Phil now, his mouth inches from Phil’s ear.

“No, I’d say not,” Phil agrees, a blush creeping over his neck. 

“And they better not have any superhero pajama bottoms,” Dan hooks his fingers around the waistband of Phil’s pajamas and tugs them down just a little bit, teasingly grinding against his thigh. 

“No, no,” Phil swallows hard, “that would not do.”

“Baby, turn off the stove,” Dan whispers, his voice thick with desire. 

Phil quickly and without hesitation turns off the burner and then Dan is lifting him up onto the counter and hooking Phil’s legs around his waist. 

“Food or this?” Dan murmurs against Phil’s lips.

“This,” Phil breathes, “definitely this.”

They spend the morning in bed together, but end up spending half the day in the office afterwards fighting with their camera. One of the miniscule snaps on the lens broke off so the auto focus refuses to work, which drives both of them up the wall when they notice it after half an hour of recording. 

“It’s not going to work unless the snap is fixed,” Phil announces unnecessarily.

“Obviously,” Dan rolls his eyes, “It’s a six hundred pound lens and it stops fucking working because it was dropped a few feet onto carpet. If someone had been a little more careful-“

“Hey! It happened while filming your video-“

“Who was moving the tripod without removing the camera first?”

“The same person who was helping you film for four hours on a Saturday night!” Phil counters.

“We had a deal! I gave you a blowjob in those lacey pink underwear you-“

“Don’t bring those into this,” Phil warns, 

“It doesn’t even matter. The lens is broken, the footage we have is shit, and I’m not in a good enough mood to re-film,” Dan huffs and sets the lens down angrily on the desk. He kicks against the desk so his chair rolls back roughly and he digs his fingers into his hair. 

“It doesn’t matter, we can play something else tomorrow,” Phil says softly, his anger dissipating more quickly than Dan’s.

“With what fucking lens, Phil?” 

“I’ll just go get it fixed tonight, okay? I’m sorry,” Phil shakes his head and stands, taking the lens and his phone. 

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the situation-“ Dan rolls his eyes at Phil’s submission, attempting half-heartedly to assuage him. 

“Then maybe don’t take it out on me?” Phil says before walking out of the office.

Dan listens to him walk downstairs and waits for the telltale sound of his bedroom door slamming shut. An echoing bang satisfies his expectations and he lets out a low sound of distress into his hands.

He gets up eventually, kicking a throw pillow that made its way to the floor on his way out. 

Maybe tonight would be good. Consensually hooking up with a stranger- isn’t this every guy’s dream? Maybe this guy wouldn’t stop half way through because his contact folded in half in his eye.

But that was pretty funny, actually.

Maybe this guy wouldn’t order the sweetest drink on the menu.

But that’s pretty cute, actually.

Maybe this guy won’t break his camera lens.

But maybe he doesn’t even own a camera to have lenses to break, which is worse, actually. 

Dan frowns into the mirror. 

Phil is still getting ready when Dan leaves, giving a soft “the car is here, I’ll see you tomorrow,” as he goes.

They agreed that Phil should try to head to his date’s place, and Dan should head back to the flat. Everyone back home alone by ten am. Crystal clear rules for a clear as mud situation. 

The car brings him to Louise’s house, where she is laughing as he walks up. 

“Louise, what on Earth?” Dan shakes his head, laughing and relieved at seeing his friend. 

“I’m just going to make sure you’re suitable, and then we’re going,” Louise informs him as he ushers him inside.

“We?”

“Yes, Liam and I are going to eat at a place nearby and we thought we’d share a car,” she hums as she straightens his collar. 

“Okay,” Dan swallows, “So, um, what’s his name?”

“Can’t say,”

“But it is a boy! Ha!” Dan grins, “What else?”

“He likes to cook, his favourite drink is a strawberry daiquiri, he’ll be wearing a light green button down, and,” Louise raises her eyebrows, “he’s definitely a dom.”

“Eugh, tmi,” Dan scrunches his face together, “is he cute?”

“Very,” Louise grins, “You’ll love him.”

The car arrives twenty minutes later and Dan is slightly suffocating in a shirt Louise stole from Liam and forced Dan to wear. It’s a navy blue colour that definitely makes him look good, though. 

Dan’s heart races the second he sees the sign hanging over the low-lit building. 

Stock and Barrel

“Louise-“ Dan starts, tugging at the sleeves of his shirt, suddenly extremely uncomfortable. He wants to tell Louise that he can’t possibly go on a date at the same restaurant his boyfriend is going on a date, but his concern comes out as a nervous whimper.

“Dan, you’re fine,” Louise giggles, “text me if you need me to swoop in and save you.” 

There’s a beat of silence and then her phone dings. She looks at it, and then glares at Dan. 

“I meant later, you idiot,” She grins.

“I know,” Dan sighs. 

They get out of the car and Dan takes a sudden interest in his shoes.

“Okay, he’s already here,” Louise nods, looking up from her phone, “just go in and look for a guy in teal with glasses. I love you!” 

Dan nods, his mouth dry, feeling like a teenager on his first date but in the worst way possible, “Okay, I love you too. Wish me luck.”

It feels like death march into the building but he makes it, his palms damp and his head spinning slightly. It’s dark and the lobby of the restaurant is quite large, leaving a bit of Where’s Waldo for finding his date.

He scans the waiting area to the left and finds nobody matching the description. 

“Louise why,” He mutters to himself, worrying his lower lip. When he turns back, however, a familiar form catches his eye.

He makes eye contact with Phil as Phil exists the washroom, rubbing his hands on his jeans. They both look terrified for a brief moment before they smile at each other.

“I think Louise and Sophie had the same taste in restaurants. When we pulled up I laughed,” Dan smiles fondly, “Is your date here?”

“Not yet,” Phil laughs, “I think he should be arriving soon.”

“I’m actually glad to see you, I’m nervous,” Dan crosses his arms, subconsciously moving closer to Phil. 

“Me too,” Phil briefly puts a hand on the small of Dan’s back before retracting it. “Where’d you get that shirt?”

“Liam, um, forced it upon me,” Dan laughs, “I don’t think I own anything navy blue.”

“Navy blue?” Phil frowns, “My date is supposed to be wearing navy blue.”

“You’re-“ Dan stops suddenly, his mouth open, “You’re wearing teal. And you’re wearing glasses.”

“You’re wearing navy blue and you have dark hair,” Phil’s face scrunches up in either amusement or disappointment, Dan can’t tell.

“Goddamn, we have asshole friends,” Dan suddenly bursts into laughter, drawing the attention of the people around them.

“Oh my god,” Phil giggles into his hand, shaking his head. “I can’t believe them.”

“Let’s find a way to get back at them,” Dan continues laughing, the nerves in his chest dissipating like air from a balloon- quickly and with way too much noise. 

“Right, but first, there is something we should do,” Phil links their hands together and walks up to the host stand. “Table for two, please.”

After two drinks each and a couple of “fuck you” texts sent to deserving recipients, they find themselves smushed into the same side of a booth. The restaurant is dark and they are in a corner, unseen.

“This was a bad idea, I’m so glad it didn’t work,” Phil admits, his hand on Dan’s thigh. 

“I love you,” Dan whispers, tipsy and content pressed against Phil, “I’m sorry I got mad at you earlier. I’m sorry I didn’t think to get you anything for Valentine’s day, and I’m sorry I even agreed to this.”

“I’m sorry I broke the lens, and that when you were clearly upset by the idea of this this morning I didn’t try and talk to you about it, I just got carried away by the sex,” Phil closes his eyes and Dan focuses on the purple veins drawing branches over his eyelids.

“Actually, thank you for breaking the lens. Because in order to break it you had to be using it, and the fact you like video production is about the most sexy thing in the world.”

“Sexy, is it?”

“Shut up, I’m drunk,” Dan swats at his hand playfully, only to recoil closer. 

“I’m sorry sometimes I suck at dealing with stuff,” Dan murmurs, “but thank you for always dealing with me.”

“I think I’ve realized that experiencing other people isn’t really important when you’ve found the one,” Phil says.

“You’re my one. You’re it for me,” Dan says.

“Yeah, you’re it for me,” Phil agrees, tucking closer to Dan before taking a sip of his drink.

Maybe revenge was in order for their friends, but maybe their scheming saved a good thing. 

Nay, a great thing. 

The best thing in the whole damn world.


End file.
